Tonight I decided that I'm done blogging to be perfect...I will try my best to correct the spelling errors, but I'm done rewriting sentances in order for them to sound provocative or intellectual. I want this blog to be typing what is on my mind and what God is teaching/revealing to and in me. I don't want this to be me trying to make myself sound smart or for people to think that I'm trying to sound like I have an illustration for every idea I have. I want people to read this and see me as....me. A 23 year old guy still trying to figure out, besides loving his wife, why in the heck he was put here on this planet and how God is going to use him.
The past few months have been a rough time for me spiritually and emotionally. When things didn't work out at the church I sort of felt like a failure, but then I had a calm reassurance that everything was going to workout fine. I was also slightly scared to death because not even a year ago I graduated with a degree in youth ministry, but here I am feeling completely unprepared for such an adventure. I had been focusing so much time and effort into creating lessons and figuring out ways that I could connect with the students that I had completely abandoned my relationship with Christ. My walk before the church wasn't something to have a parade about in the first place, but after taking the position it was almost as if my relationship went on pause because I was more worried about the student's relationships with Christ as opposed to mine. The day that I quit was an awkward day because I had never stood up for myself or made a decision that I felt so confident in it being the right decision before. I knew it was something I had to do for Jacklynn and I, but knew that it probably wasn't going to be understood by many of the other people involved in the situation. Ever since I made that decision I was determined that I was going to get things back on track and wrestle with some of the ideas and theories in my head that I have had trouble grasping before. My quiet time with God was nothing more than a few seconds before bed that I often neglected unless I was having trouble falling asleep, which then would only suffice for a few seconds because I would then fall asleep shortly after talking with God.
I want to have a quiet time with God where God speaks to me and transforms me into a man of God. I want a quiet time where God touches the very being of my soul and helps me to become the leader of my marriage and relationships that I am supposed to be. I want to have quiet times where I read the Bible and see it as an opportunity for God to speak to me and change me. I have begun to read through the Bible and have been assisted by a daily e-mail that states the passages that I should read in order to read through the Bible in a given year. I'm currently through Genesis 25 and have found many of the characters and stories that I had heard about, but never knew all the details. Learning more and more about these characters in the Bible reveals to me that they're real people and that they had issues they had to deal with as well, but God still used them. If he can use these people in their everyday lives and in their successes and failures....He can use me.
I have also been attending a new church that allows Jacklynn and I to attend services together unless she is working the entire weekend (which is only once every 4 or 5 weeks). So we'll be able to attend church services together instead of me going by myself and her having to stay home working. I'm really loving the fact that I can worship with my wife once again and we can talk about the sermons and what God spoke to us as individuals and how we can apply it in our lives. I have grown immensely from the sermons by Justin at Real Life over the past few weeks and have been challenged each week at a higher level. Which convinces me that God isn't done with me yet...