Saturday, August 21, 2010

Incompetence & Shame

This morning I picked up "How to hit a Curveball..." and looked over some of the stuff I had read the other day. There were a few points that hit me pretty hard that I've wanted o stew on them for awhile and let God help me with a few of the ideas.

One of my weakness has always been a feeling of incompetence or a lack of self-confidence. I'm getting better, but in the past if I messed up or made a fool out of myself I would close myself off. I'd pretty much shutdown emotionally and not really allow others in. I was especially cautious with trying new things because I didn't want to risk of being bad at something or simply making a fool out of myself.

"Shame is the emotional experience that tells us we can't do everything. It's the feeling that reminds us that we're not God. Healthy shame tells us, "You're not God, and neither is the other guy." The nature of shame is that it exposes our humanity, dependence, and imperfections. When we allow ourselves to embrace the experience of shame, we discover its gift: humility."


"When we live our lives based on what others think about us, we wear ourselves out trying to seek their approval or win their affection. The bar is always just a little higher than we can jump. Such performance based living is a death sentence. We make ourselves sick trying to keep up or prove ourselves worthy of love."

I've admitted it before, but I will admit it again...I'm a people-pleaser. At one point I had to read a book on how to learn to say "no." If someone presented me with an opportunity to do something I would automatically say "yes" and would figure out later how to get it done. My inability to say "no" in fear of causing someone to think less of me cause many discussions between my wife and I, which always ended in me feeling like an idiot for not being able to stand-up for myself and say "no."

Now that God has helped me to develop a healthier perspective on shame and life in general, I am able to realize I'm not God. I can't do everything right 100% of the time. There are going to be times where I mess up, let down and overall disappoint someone. There are going to be times where no matter how awesome the opportunity, I have to say no.

God has helped me grow as a man in so many ways, but one of the greatest ways is realizing that despite my performance on a task or my bad habit of talking insanely fast...I'm still worth Jesus to Him. I no longer have to try to jump over some impossible bar that will always be half an inch too high. When we understand that we are worth Jesus to God it makes all other applause and accolades seem inadequate.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, i thought i was reading about myself while reading this. The likeness was so uncanny. Like you, i am a people pleaser and i find it hard to say "No" and that can cause so many problems. I hate taking risks because of lack of self confidence.

    Thanks for your honesty. Its good to know we are not alone in this.